

When I'm Her
7/11/2022 | 14m 43sVideo has Closed Captions
Michael, once a ballet prodigy, finds refuge and liberation as his alter ego, Madame Olga.
Michael was a ballet prodigy with his career ahead of him, but when life doesn’t go as planned, he finds refuge from trauma and liberation as his alter ego, Russian ballet instructor, Madame Olga. By slipping into this ostentatious character, Michael discovers a way to both embrace himself as an artist and reconcile his past.
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Problems with Closed Captions? Closed Captioning Feedback

When I'm Her
7/11/2022 | 14m 43sVideo has Closed Captions
Michael was a ballet prodigy with his career ahead of him, but when life doesn’t go as planned, he finds refuge from trauma and liberation as his alter ego, Russian ballet instructor, Madame Olga. By slipping into this ostentatious character, Michael discovers a way to both embrace himself as an artist and reconcile his past.
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Learn Moreabout PBS online sponsorship(soft inspirational music) - I started doing her backstage and everyone was asking, who is this?
Who is this Russian woman?
Who is this person?
(soft inspirational music continues) Twenty years ago, the name popped in my head, Madam Olga.
(footsteps tapping) (traffic whooshing) (soft inspirational music continues) I wish Olga was my teacher when I was a kid.
I think she could have helped me a lot.
(people applauding) (crowd chatting) (fast-paced piano music) (Madame Olga instructing ballet) Your legs have to go psh.
(fast-paced piano music continues) (piano music ends) Love is the most beautiful thing you can have in the life.
Yeah?
If you don't have the love, you really don't have anything.
Love for each other.
Love for the world.
Love for yourself.
Most of all, yourself.
Okay.
So let's dance for love.
(soft inspirational music) ♪ Love ♪ (Inspirational music intensifies) ♪ Love ♪ - [Patricia] He's only 14 years old but this world class dancer is taking the world by storm.
- Wanted the kid to grow up and going the good companies that is big.
- I was very proud of myself.
And looking forward to the future.
- [Patricia] A future Michael says includes a spot with the American Ballet Theater.
In St. James, Patricia Shoe, News 55.
(soft inspirational music) - I was the youngest male dancer ever in the American ballet theater.
And I have amazing memories.
And I have a lot of fear, a lot of fear.
I can see myself just walking past my artistic director and like having a panic attack.
I hated myself.
Since the first day I was told, "We could really work on that part of your thigh right there."
Finally, I heard a voice that said you just you have to stop.
And I just quit.
I was here for 25 years.
I wouldn't have found Olga.
(inspirational music intensifies) (keys jingling) (door squeaking) (inspirational music softens) Okay.
(music ends) (exhaling deeply) (hair swishing) It's a release.
It's a release to become someone else.
(water gushing) (faucet squeaking) (water dripping) - [Michael] When was the last time you watched this?
- Years and years and years.
I have no idea.
- Press play.
(soft inspirational music) - Just not, it doesn't even seem like it was my life.
I'd just loved that child, if I could.
I just had no, self-esteem.
- Wait at 14, 15 before ABT, you had no self esteem?
- I didn't have much confidence, no.
If I wasn't perfect.
I just, I just wanted to die.
(soft music continues) (music speeding up) (children playing) (soft inspirational music) (music distorting) (soft music continues) (music distorting) - [Man] I'm looking at you now.
(music ends) - That was really good.
♪ Michael Jackson "Bad" ♪ - Oh my God.
♪ Your butt is mine ♪ ♪ Gonna tell you right ♪ ♪ Just show your face ♪ ♪ In broad daylight ♪ ♪ I'm telling you ♪ ♪ On how I feel ♪ ♪ Gonna hurt your mind ♪ (Michael laughing) ♪ I'm bad, I'm bad ♪ - I mean, it's just kind of amazing to me that you weren't a star at 15 already.
- I was supposed to be.
- Oh, wow.
- I'm 14.
Don't don't get turned on.
- Ah, the end into the second split was everything.
- Oh my God.
- [Michael] That was good, Mikey.
- Thank you, my love.
- You were good.
See why wouldn't you have confidence here?
Look at all these curtain calls.
- I mean, I did here, but it was taken from me.
It was just so overwhelming.
- [Michael] That's the dance world in general.
- It is, it was worse than I think now, you know they have finally have HR.
You have someone to go to if you're getting molested in a hotel room.
(crowd applauding) (crowd cheering) (shaver buzzing) - When you take advantage of the young person and their self-esteem dropped...
I felt so powerless.
I mean, I still love the art.
I love ballet.
It's not ballet.
It's the, the energy around ballet.
(soft inspirational music) And Olga is a way to still do ballet but give ballet to people in a way that is joyful.
(soft inspiration music continues) She's coming.
Okay.
- Hi.
How are you?
Nice to see you.
What is your name?
- [Donovan] Donovan.
- Nice to meet you, Donovan.
- [Donovan] Nice to meet you too.
I am Madame Olga.
(Madame Olga sighing) Where are we going?
To the class?
I'm ready.
Come on.
I want you to do the clap part.
So proud.
So Russian, you look like little Russian girl.
Are you Russian?
I want to talk to your mother.
(class laughing) Okay.
You're going to do the claps and you're going to be proud to be little Russian girl.
Look, I'm Russian girl.
And I'm proud of being Russian.
Do it.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Good, good, good, good baby.
Thank you.
Everybody is Russian today.
(Italian music) (Italian music continues) (Madame Olga clapping) (music ends) - Most careers have subsided during quarantine and hers has really blown up.
It's been great.
That first class I remember was right during the start of the lockdown.
She had like 350 people and I think it just like gave everyone some spirit something to look forward to during like the most horrible time.
- Okay.
Gimme one second everybody.
I'm just trying to do the the gallery so I can see all my students.
(Madame Olga gasping) Wonderful.
(Madame Olga speaking in ballet terms) - When you're in Madam Olga's class, Mikey's not there and everything's just supposed to evolve around her.
She is like the star from Russia.
- This is your tempo, can you count?
I hope so.
(inspirational music) (Madame Olga clapping) One, two, three, four... (music intensity growing) Pull up, I don't care if it hurts, get your leg up.
(music continues) (music ends) Beautiful guys.
Listen, I can talk, turn out and, and feet and extension.
All these things, of course, are important but what I want to give you, most of all is self love.
If you love yourself, you won't hurt yourself and then you won't hurt other people.
It's that simple, I think.
Maybe it's just been that simple all along.
- Oh, there I am.
Hm.
I remember taking this picture, like holding my breath trying to get, trying to get the shot.
When I got here, there was so much pressure on me to be the next star, which is what I wanted.
But the pressure was a lot.
I can still feel that pressure, like in the building.
(clothes rustling) - Something about this room is familiar and I don't know why.
(shoes tapping) (hand swiping) (hand continues swiping) He's here.
He's right here.
(Madame Olga sobbing) Now I understand why I am who I am.
I'm supposed to be here to help him.
I didn't understand until today (soft inspirational music) (soft inspirational music continues) - It's all just making sense.
Why she came to be.
To help me.
To help me.
- It's like the spirit of my little boy is still in the room.
That's what I felt.
(soft inspirational music continues) Okay.
(inspirational music builds) (inspirational music continues) (music fades out)
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